I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
