On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
