I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
