im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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