Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
