I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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