I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
