He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found the puke drawer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
