There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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