If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
