now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
