I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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