Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
