At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
