Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
