we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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