i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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