Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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