if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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