After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
