is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
