It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
