I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
