he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
