and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
