it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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