Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
