I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
