As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
