Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
