I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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