Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
