I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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