dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
