it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
