Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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