woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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