Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have aggressive nipples.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
