my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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