Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
