Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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