Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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