I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
