new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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