I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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