puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
