I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
