I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
