My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
