And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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