my phone needs a breathalizer
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
