After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
